January 20 2017

You won’t change with excuses. “Your joint is obliterated” were the words my doctor told me. I already knew this, it’s been this way for a while. My ankle joint is destroyed, the gap that should be there is almost non-existent. It’s bone on bone. It’s agony.

It had been a reliable excuse, a valid reason to limit myself, but now it’s an obstacle. When I was 15 I was hit by a car while riding my bike to school, I was extremely lucky that my ankle took the impact. I remember immediately after it happened I tried to get up off the road and saw my foot at the back of my leg touching my calf. 2 weeks in hospital and 2 pins and 2 plates later the surgeons did the best they could. Almost 20 years later this is what is left. Being 200kgs didn’t help, all that weight on a load bearing joint. It’s always in pain, especially after working out.

The best way to describe the pain is having someone stabbing you in a joint and continually wiggling the blade while it’s in there. The only thing that can “fix” my ankle is a fusion of the bones, so I’ll essentially have no joint. I refuse to accept that and prefer to have pain with a functional joint. Losing weight will obviously help. The reasons I’m sharing this? I have a limp, I can’t run and I can’t jump. I’m in pain 24/7, but I know if I continually use it as an excuse I will never improve. Working out for me is excruciating and excruciatingly frustrating.

I am constantly tormented by the limitations it imposes on me. Imagine while working out you can feel and sometimes hear your bones grinding. That’s my excuse, and I’m in a place where I would rather cut it off than let it stop me. If you want to change but find yourself always having excuses not to follow through, to be blunt, you’re not ready. You have to work within your limitations, but don’t let them stop you.

Determination can triumph anything, all you need is to find that mindset and make it work.